Always Hurrying

My little CRV.  250,000 miles.  I retired it last summer.

My little CRV. 250,000 miles. I retired it last summer.

I don’t know of a single day that passes that I don’t look at the clock at some point and realize I have to rush to get somewhere or get something done.  There’s a reason (sometimes many reasons)  each day to hurry and there’s usually something that I’m either late for, wish I’d  arrived a little earlier for, or I wish I’d had more time to get to.  I frequently drive too fast because I’ve left myself too little time to get where I’m going.   I’m forever trying to squeeze a size 10 amount of things to do into a size 2 amount of time.  And I’m frequently busting-out the seems of my day.  This is a decades-old pattern.

Yesterday I tuned-in to my body as I was rushing to get to a commitment.  I felt  like a rioting crowd was fighting its way out of my cranium.  My heart was pounding and my stomach was tight and clenched.  Believe me, it didn’t feel good.  Or healthy.  And I know it isn’t.  When I’m rushing I’m not taking very good care of myself.  I want to change this pattern of daily rushing.   I want to bring the calm and gentle assertiveness that  I bring to my work and that I experience in my meditation practice to my daily personal schedule.   I don’t yet have a plan, I just know that I want to make a change.  It will be a learning process and, like all learning, it will also be a process of awakening.   I’ll keep you posted.

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